Jester
by ninitheblacksheep
Summary: Itsuki Koizumi was nothing but a fool, an entertainer, his entire life having been written out for him by the sinister Organisation he had no choice but to trust. Yearning to rebel and break free from his chains for once, he sets his sights onto Kyon, revealing secrets that could end in bloody violence. As long as he was free...


It was just nearing the middle of spring; a season in which, so far, nothing had occurred. It was as though the events of winter had been purged, cleansed from my life; I was finally able to forget. As the season of new life began, I was blessed with a feeling of accomplishment, of pride, of triumph. It was as if I had suddenly acquired a glow, an aura if you will, of positivity that followed me wherever I went. And I could understand why; regular-Joe-types like me don't usually manage to escape semi-parallel universes without losing their heads, or something else.

And, to be honest, it was probably through those terrifying days in December that something else sparked in me, along with the uncharacteristic optimism.

It came to me suddenly one afternoon in winter, the day after the mending of Yuki Nagato's subconscious reality warp – I'm not a regular guy anymore. I can no longer say it has nothing to do with me because I'm not an alien, time traveller or and esper. I may not have supernatural abilities, and I may not be from a different time frame or even a different planet, but I'm not a ghost. I'm not furniture, a prop, a supporting character. I had as much a role to play as those around me.

Firstly, the ethereal alien femme, Yuki Nagato, the girl who stood in the snow all those nights ago, and who looked into me with those liquid eyes. The girl who I vowed to protect. The girl who then, ever so quietly, said "Thank you," for the first time.

Secondly, the auburn haired beauty, Mikuru Asahina, the woman from the future who sat with me that evening, watching the stars flicker in the summer night sky.

Finally, the cheerful, handsome, enigmatic esper boy Itsuki Koizumi, the one who had shyly admitted his love for our brigade leader to me in a moment of sweet vulnerability.

Could you call these people my friends? To be honest they more resembled colleagues – we were all here for the same reason, we shared the same duty. Our responsibility entailed the fate of the world itself. The whole universe could be swallowed into a gaping black hole due to the whims and choices of one girl; one sulky, sentimental, bossy, demanding, inappropriate, forceful, cruel, spontaneous, dangerous, arrogant, _brilliant _high school student.

Haruhi Suzumiya

I sniffed in disapproval as I pushed myself further and further up the hill, my legs feeling strained and my brow sweating. It was Friday, April 14th; another day. And, for some reason, as I steadfastly climbed the mountain that lead to my school, there were two things on my mind.

For starters, it had nearly been a whole year since the S.O.S Brigade was founded. It came to me last night, suddenly, as I stared at my ceiling; Haruhi announced the creation of her own extra special, extra-curricular club in about three, four weeks from now, last year, in the middle of May. Therefore, the S.O.S Brigade is about to have its first one-year anniversary. Exciting, huh? No doubt Haruhi has been marking off the days on her calendar in anticipation, waiting for the day when she can burst in and announce the extravagant celebrations that will be taking place. I wonder what daring costume she'll order for Miss Asahina this time. To be honest, I can't wait. Haruhi's been pretty slack with the costumes lately; perhaps she'll switch it up to mark our one year anniversary as an official club.

Now, the second thing on my mind was different, irrelevant really. I believe I mentioned that it was mid spring, did I not? Well, I am baffled, I really am, at how it can be so god damn _hot _this far before summer!

And when I say hot, I don't mean a little bit hot, no, no. I do not mean 'oh look the sun's come out' kind of hot, I mean like really hot. I've never been to Australia or Hawaii but I literally cannot imagine anywhere being hotter than here. It felt as if the seasons decided to play switcheroo or something. If you were to crack an egg on a car roof exposed to the sun (not saying that you would) it would fry quicker than if you actually fried it. There was not a single, solitary cloud meandering in the sky, it was just a clear expanse of blue and then a scintillating flash of blinding yellow rays burning everything in sight. It felt a poor choice to be wearing any clothes at all. I would completely understand if the government passed an act legalising walking around in nothing but a loin cloth.

Yeah it was hot.

Really, really way too hot.

To make matters worse, the intense heat made trekking up this monstrous hill every morning long, hard, and frustrating. By the time I reached the top, I was always drowning in my own sweat and peeling my satchel strap from my shoulder. This was every single morning! What made it even more aggravating was that Koizumi, the bastard, didn't have to conquer Mount Everest every day. He just hopped into his Organisation's slick, noir, air conditioned convertible, and was dropped off round the back entrance. Hey, Koizumi, if I join this freaky Organisation doodad of yours, do I get privileges like that? Can Miss Mori be my chauffer? I liked her. She was a maid. I like maids.

Whenever I met Koizumi in the halls before class started, he always looked and smelled _amazing. _He smelled like fancy-pants men's aftershave, whereas the dehydration and heat made my shirt smell like an animal had died in it. Nice huh?

Yeah, that last bit was actually quoted from the girl who sat behind me, the girl who always got here super early so she had time to cool off before class commenced. Haruhi Suzumiya. The girl, who, to be honest had no room to judge as I wasn't sure if she even hiked up the hill at all. The last thing I needed after an intense workout was a stroppy, hormonal teenage goddess telling me to "curl up somewhere until I am presentable to the public again."

Damn, isn't Global Warming a total bitch.

"Heads up," she sparked abruptly from behind me. I reluctantly rotated my body to face her to receive the light 'pop' of a small object between my eyes that made me blink rapidly. She had thrown a pencil at me.

"You do know how dangerous that is right? That could've got me in the eye,"

She looked unaffected.

"Well I said 'heads up' and what do you do? Turn around as if you want to get hit. It's not my fault, Kyon you need to be more careful,"

Yeah, or you could just not throw sharp objects at me in the first place.

"Whatever," I snarled, bending over and pinching the thin HB pencil between my fingers, bringing it back up to Haruhi.

She snatched it from my hand as if I was about to throw it back at her. She would deserve it.

For a few seconds we sat in silence. Haruhi began staring out of the window and I took it upon myself to watch. It was so strange when she did that. It always told me that she was contemplating making her life more exciting. When her deep mahogany eyes were twinkling with passion, like stars would twinkle under the moon, that was when I could tell things may or may not get interesting. And to be honest, it was rather refreshing to see that face again. I haven't gazed upon it in a good while. It seems that Haruhi has been rather satisfied with her life as of late and it was actually making me quite bored. How ironic.

"Stop staring you perv," she hissed, turning her head to face me "What are you looking at anyway?"

"I dunno," I remarked cleverly "What were you looking at?"

She hesitated for a second, then flipped her soft chocolate hair behind her shoulder, the tails of those sun yellow ribbons getting lost amongst the locks.

"Nothing, and by the way, that's none of your business Kyon!"

Yeah, I guess it wasn't.

"So what are we going to do today?"

"For what?"

"For the Brigade,"

Seriously, what else could I have been talking about?

She glanced at me suspiciously "Why are you so interested? You never care,"

"It's on my mind,"

She pouted at me.

"Well I was going to see if everybody was free this weekend,"

Oh God.

"Why?"

She thrust her ring finger into my face and tapped my nose playfully "You will have to wait,

and,

see!"

As I fisted the door knob to the former Literature Club room, now the S.O.S Brigade headquarters, the sound of running water tickled my ears. More accurately, the sound of pouring tea. When I opened the door my heart warmed at the sight of the magnificent Miss Mikuru Asahina, the chipped brown teapot poised carefully in her hands as she emptied it into the third cup. Nagato was sitting in the corner, as always, a large tome resting in her hands.

"Hey," I greeted, closing the door behind me. It shut with a click.

However, while I was expecting the sweet voice of Miss Asahina, or even Miss Nagato (a long shot, I know), another voice caught me off guard.

"Hello," greeted Koizumi, cheerfully. When I looked down, he was seated at the table, cross legged and both hands clasped on his knee. When the hell did he get here? Did I just not notice him? To be honest I was too ensnared by Miss Asahina's beauty to bother looking for him.

"Hi there," Miss Asahina smiled, her voice like honey "You got here just in time, I've just finished making it! I hope it tastes good,"

She was in her nurse outfit today. That maid getup was simply too hot for such weather. Not that I'm complaining.

Oh believe me Miss Asahina, it will taste good. It will taste good because you made it and for no other reason. Not that I'll tell you that last part.

I took the cup to my lips and let the pleasantly scalding liquid slide down my throat. It was utterly blissful.

"It's so hot today," Koizumi smiled courteously. Well done genius, I award you observation-of-the-week-award.

Dammit, the mention of it just reminded me of it! Damn you Koizumi! Now this tea feels too hot to drink on such a hot day! You've ruined it for me; I hope you're proud of yourself. A flood of heat rushed to my face and I suddenly became aware of the sticky skin under my clothes. I grimaced and put the tea back on the table.

"Is something wrong?" Miss Asahina queried, looking hurt and clutching the floral tea tray to her chest nervously.

"No! No, no, no, nothing, really!" I defended frantically "I'm just gonna wait for it to cool down is all! It tastes great, trust me!"

She looked suspicious, a small blush dusting her cheeks "Are you lying? Does it taste horrible Kyon? Please tell me if it does!"

I opened my mouth, but to my utter irritation, Koizumi's prince-charming-esque voice cut in smoothly "Why Miss Asahina, it is magnificent as always. Please don't fret,"

God, you could cut the cheesyness with a knife. Seriously, that sounded like it belonged in a sonnet or something. More than that, it sounded so dreadfully staged that I almost cringed.

Miss Asahina hesitated slightly before smiling thinly "Thank you, that's so nice of you,"

She awkwardly tottered off to collect Nagato's empty cup, leaving a grinning Koizumi staring off into space. It's weird, but ever since Miss Asahina confronted me last year to share her thoughts on Koizumi, I've really started to notice tension between the two of them.

Really guys, if you don't like each other, I don't mind and I'm sure Miss Nagato doesn't mind. You don't have to pretend to like each other with stupid false flattery. Sure, when Suzumiya is around I can see why you need to be friends, but otherwise you can go nuts, I don't care. It's not like you're fooling anyone; Miss Asahina, you literally told me yourself that Koizumi shouldn't be trusted. When Haruhi's not here, can't you show your true colours?

"Hey!" the teenage deity burst through the door. Speak of the devil. Without hesitation, Haruhi bustled her way over to the white board, snatching a pen from the tea-making surface, and flicking the lid off with her thumb, at which it went flying across the room. That's one more pen that will now dry out because of that awful habit of hers.

"Afternoon Miss Suzumiya," Koizumi grinned warmly.

She was too busy scrawling all over the white board to bother with a reply. Koizumi just looked at me and shrugged, a smile still plastered to his face.

"O-kay!" she muttered, adding the finishing touches to her scribble (exclamation marks and smiley faces) "S.O.S Brigade, may I have your attention please!"

We all directed our full attention to our goddess, who was whipping the board pointer into her palm with crushing authority and glaring us all down with those magical golden brown eyes.

I scrutinised the white board carefully, squinting my eyes.

"Sleepover?" I questioned, my heart sinking at the very idea.

"You got it Kyon! You know, I realised two things last night," she stated, making her way over to the computer chair, probably so she could stand on it "One; that it is nearing the S.O.S Brigade's first one-year anniversary! That's right guys, we've officially been a club for nearly a whole year now!"

Oh, whoopee. To my annoyance, Koizumi started clapping. Stop it, you moron, _please! _I can tell that you don't give a flying fuck. But once Koizumi had started clapping, Miss Asahina started clapping nervously, and that was way too adorable to resist, so I started clapping as well, caving to peer pressure. And Nagato...did nothing. Good for you Nagato, fight the power.

"Thank you, thank you," Haruhi spoke with a sweeping bow "Of course, due to this monumental occasion, I felt it necessary to celebrate, which leads me to my next point,"

Ok, shoot. Get on with it.

"The arrival of our anniversary made me realise that we, the S.O.S Brigade, have not met up as a club outside of school ever since last summer! I mean, c'mon guys, where is your sense of club unity?! I can't even remember the last time we went on a hunt for supernatural beings! We're meant to be a club aren't we?"

Well, in our defence, we did repeat those days in summer tens of thousands of times, so you really can't say we don't spend enough time together, even though you don't know about that. In fact, only Nagato really knows about that.

"You're absolutely right, Miss Suzumiya," Koizumi interfered, once again. I ground my teeth in irritation for my colleague "It seems that final exams have taken their toll on the S.O.S Brigade's sense of togetherness as a club,"

I could hear the emphasis in his voice when he said 'final exams'. Aw, well done chief. You're at least trying to make her see that we have other priorities besides listening to a walking eccentricity blabber on all day about U. .

"Final exams are not your priority!"

Ah. Well you receive the 'Nice try' award.

"We need to reinvigorate our sense of unity as a club," she commanded "That's why, I've decided to hold the first ever S.O.S Brigade ultra mega sleepover extravaganza! Oh, and by the way it's totally compulsory,"

The aura in the room felt heavy. It was obvious that all of us thought it a miserable idea.

"That'll be so fun!" Miss Asahina chirped. How noble of you, Miss Asahina, such a beautiful display of your acting talent!

"Wait a sec," I cut in, holding my palms up, as I usually did "When you say 'I've decided to hold it', do you mean we're all going to your house for a night?" the idea sat badly in my stomach. Going round to her house would probably entail meeting her parents. Haruhi is extreme, yeah, but God knows how extreme her parents are. After all, they did raise her.

"Hell no! No way is there enough room at my place! No, I thought we'd draw straws to decide who hosts. Oh by the way, everyone's free this Sunday, right?"

"Sunday!?" I exclaimed "Why do we have to have it on the day before the next school week? I'll be all tired on Monday morning,"

"I can't do Saturday." She batted away my relevant comment as if it were a flying insect "Besides, I'll make sure we all get enough sleep for the next morning. I'm not an idiot Kyon, I have thought this through!"

Oh really.

"Mikuru, you can do Sunday right?"

"I think so..." she placed a perfect finger to her lip as she thought (so adorable)

"Great!"

You know she didn't actually answer, right?

"What about you Koizumi?"

"I believe I have nothing planned for Sunday-"

"Excellent!"

You liar, even if you were flying to the moon on Sunday, you'd cancel it to please her.

"Yuki?"

"Yes,"

"Awesome!"

Nagato, I'm not being funny or trying to challenge your authority, but please at least _try_ to put up some resistance! There is no way I can do Sunday night! There is no way Miss Asahina, Koizumi, or even Haruhi will be able to do Sunday night! Put up a fight, one of you, please!

"That means we're all free; the S.O.S Brigade sleepover is officially underway!"

Um, excuse me, don't my plans for Sunday (not that I have any) matter as well? I am a member of this club, you know. I'm not just your labour boy.

Haruhi marched over to the cupboard where she rummaged around for a good twenty seconds until she brought out an old paint pot containing five cocktail sticks, or 'straws' as Haruhi liked to call them, as 'drawing cocktail sticks' took too long to say. Ah yes, the cocktail sticks of yore. The ones used to decide our groups in the first ever supernatural hunt, almost a year ago. Oh, precious memories.

Haruhi brought out her pen and made another marking on one of the sticks before putting them all back into the pot and circling the room, offering one to each brigade member.

"Close your eyes and pick a straw. Whoever gets the straw with the big black mark on it is our host for Sunday,"

I clamped my eyes shut and blindly fumbled inside the filthy old plastic pot for a stick. Upon finding one that felt relatively safe (by instinct only), I pinched my fingers over the tip and withdrew my hand. Opening my eyes slowly, I breathed a sigh of relief to see no ugly black mark – no hosting for me! I heard the relieve sigh of Asahina and my heart sunk a little. Was I hoping to be able to visit Miss Asahina's house and see how many framed photos of me she had hung on her wall in adoration?

...No Comment.

It was at that moment when a surprised "Oh my," alerted my ears from somewhere beside me. I looked round to see none other than Koizumi gazing down at his straw, the very same one that Haruhi had marked. An amused smile played on his lips and I couldn't help smirking. Bad luck old chap, better luck next time. Looks like you have to provide hospitality for three high school students and Haruhi Suzumiya. In other words, the fate of the universe rests in your hands; God knows what she'll do if you muck up the first ever S.O.S Brigade sleepover. Yeah, good luck _chief_.

"Everyone raise your straws!"

We all raised our straws.

"The outcome is clear. Koizumi, you will be our host on Sunday night, and gosh darn it I expect it to be good. You're position as Vice President balances on the success of Sunday evening, so make it extra amazing,"

All Koizumi could do was sit there and take it, occasionally emitting a nervous chuckle and scratching the corner of his eyelid gently with one finger. I had come to learn that both of these things meant that he was anxious. Hell yeah, I'd be anxious if I were you.

"I am honestly extremely flattered, Miss Suzumiya," he spoke carefully, yet, as always, perfectly in role "I hope that I will live up to your expectations,"

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

"Of course. The rest of you, please bring fun sleepover stuff! Horror movies, sweets, party poppers, the whole shazam! We're gonna bring the house down,"

What about Koizumi's parents? Doesn't he have any siblings? What if he doesn't have a television, or maybe he lives with his Organisation thingy? So many potential problems could arise from this plan, especially considering Koizumi's such a closed book. He could live in a one-room condo with the Queen of England and we wouldn't have guessed otherwise. I could see the stress shaping his brow awkwardly and his long, skinny fingers loosening his tie. Haha sucks to be you. To be honest, it felt really great to watch others besides myself and Miss Asahina suffer under Haruhi's cruel dictatorship for once. If Koizumi messes this up, perhaps Haruhi will take away his position and then promote me to Vice President!

...I mean, that would be interesting. It's not like I actually care or anything...

Sunday arrived before I even had time to think about it. My entire Saturday was spent vegging out on the couch watching bad movies. It was simply too hot to go outside. Of course many teenagers my age would spend this time wisely, going out with friends or love interests and embracing the early summer, wishing it would never end. However, I don't have a girlfriend, my only real friends are the S.O.S Brigade, and to be honest I think I'm about to get enough out of them to last a whole year. So Saturday was a wasted day, lost to my laziness. Whatever; I needed all my strength for what was to come on Sunday night anyway.

Strangely enough, I only had to ask once about the sleepover in order for my parents to say yes, even though it was the Sunday before a new school week. It was almost as if a certain demanding goddess was manipulating their emotions unconsciously in order for me to be able to attend (let's not name any names.) So, amongst my other belongings, I had to pack my clean school uniform as well. On Monday morning, the plan was for the earliest riser to go around waking everybody up, and then we would all travel as a unit to school from Koizumi's place. How am I going to handle this?! Knowing Haruhi, she won't want to sleep until about three in the morning, in which case the maximum amount of sleep any of us will get will be about three hours, maybe three and a half? The only one who won't be affected by that will be Nagato. Perhaps this really isn't a good idea...no, scratch that, this is an absolutely terrible idea: absurd, ridiculous! However, it is Haruhi's idea, so good luck trying to avoid it.

As I stuffed essentials into my bag, I started to wonder once again what Koizumi's place would be like. Did being an esper mean living in a luxury apartment with a penthouse and balcony? Or did he just live a normal life with his family, which would be the case if they, hypothetically, weren't aware of his abilities? I wonder what he told his family if this was the case. What would my mom and dad do if I constantly had to disappear off to my 'part time job' as the young esper liked to call it? No doubt they'd be pretty suspicious.

With all these questions about Koizumi buzzing around in my head, it took what felt like about a year to pack for the night, however, once I had finally finished, I was at a loss of what to do next. With about an hour until I was expected to arrive at the esper's house, the number of activities I could kill time with were limited. About five minutes were spent searching for something entertaining to bring to Koizumi's place; in the end I settled on a few slasher horror films – those ought to get Haruhi good and frightened, therefore making the evening more exciting which lead to no closed spaces or shinjin. Clever, huh? I'm getting the hang of this saving the world thing, right?

After that, I waited around a while. Then, I waited around a while again, trying to immerse myself in a good book or even a light novel. After that, I read my good book/light novel, in which, after about twenty minutes I became bored and decided to wait around a while some more. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun?

After what seemed like about a whole century, four o' clock came round, finally! However, it was also the exact time in which we were supposed to arrive. Yay, penalty games for me then! 'That's what you get for being late Kyon,' and 'You waste the S.O.S Brigades' time with your tardiness Kyon!' – all that shtick. I bolted down the stairs, swung my duffel back over my shoulder, yelled to my little sister that I was going, and crashed through the door. The heat hit my like a flaming slap across the face. Unchaining my bike from the gate, I reached for my phone. Koizumi had texted me his address along with a detailed map of the area, saying that it wasn't far from where I lived so I could get there pretty quickly on my bike. And he was right; to my surprise, Koizumi's place was just in the next town, about five minutes away. Oh goody; pedalling diligently through the inferno-esque heat, this sounds like a blast. With a grunt, I pushed off, beginning my long, stressful journey into the depths of doom – in other words, wherever the creepy esper lived.

Sweat ran down my brow as I glided through the silent streets; it was far too hot for any sane person to go outside. Everywhere I looked, the curtains and blinds of houses were drawn, yet the doors were open: an attempt to halt the heat from entering yet not the slight cool breeze that meandered gently through the air. All was quiet, all was normal. Oddly, it was this sentiment of everyday regularity that sparked a rather peculiar feeling in me – it almost felt _too _calm. Discarding the fact that I felt like I was in an oven, the fuzzy haze of such a typical summers day almost felt staged; as if it was always supposed to be this way in anticipation of the events to come. At that moment, I had to squeeze the breaks and pull to a stop on the pavement. I felt strange, uncomfortable and sick. The odd feeling I had was squirming inside my stomach, making me feel like I had a bad case of the butterflies. What I couldn't understand was why. Why did I feel so nervous and disorientated? It made no sense to me – I was just going for a sleepover with my high school club, no big deal.

It'll be fine.

"Kyon! You finally got here. I sincerely hope my map didn't confuse you at all,"

I shook my head, trying to avoid eye contact with the tall, handsome young man before me.

"No, not at all," as if I'm going to let you intimidate me with your stupid confusing maps bastard – I saw the Google Maps logo!

I quickly scanned his appearance; dull greenish skinny jean-type things with stupid zips and pockets sticking out everywhere, a white v-neck shirt with a band logo printed on it half covered by a stylish navy cardigan with the sleeves rolled up, and finally hair that seemed scruffier than usual. He was such a cool, chic, hipster dude *gag*.

"Come in," he offered "Please excuse my appearance, Miss Suzumiya is feeling rather excitable, so it seems, and is assaulting me and poor Miss Asahina with cushions,"

When I stepped in to the room, what greeted me was a kitchen. Nothing else, just a kitchen. There was nothing particularly special or irregular about it at all; just a kitchen. Was I expecting an espers' house to have more originality? Well...yes. Of course I was! I wasn't quite sure what I was expecting exactly, but what I got was certainly far too normal. Perhaps the reality of the situation was how I imagined it before: Koizumi lived a normal life with a normal family, however his parents were in the dark about his alter ego. That must have been the case.

That would explain the totally normal looking house that awaited me when I arrived at his front door. It looked just like every other in the neighbourhood

"Where are the others?" I asked.

"In the next room,"

"What, all of them?"

"Yes, all of them. Do you want a drink?" he offered kindly, reaching for one of the totally normal cupboards in his too-normal kitchen.

"Uh yeah, I guess, thanks," I spoke awkwardly. He remained quiet while emptying the remains of a lemonade jug into a glass. The only sound in the room was that of ice cubes clinking against one another. It didn't take me long to realise he was anxious; it looked as if his hands were quivering ever so slightly. Perhaps it was just my imagination, but I felt compelled to ask anyway.

"You nervous?"

With a sigh, he finished pouring my drink and brought it over to me "Does it show? I'm afraid I am not quite myself,"

I took my drink and made no effort to look sympathetic. Yeah, I'd be nervous if I were you, buddy.

"If this get- together doesn't live up to Miss Suzumiya's high expectations and she gets bored or angry, who knows what might happen? Closed space may appear in extreme situations. What about if she doesn't want the night to end? We're looking at time loops. There's a whole host of dangers to this plan, and I'm responsible for whatever happens,"

"But you played host to her last year when we visited that Keichii guy's villa,"

"Yes, but that time the Organisation was entirely behind me. I didn't really do anything. In fact, all I did was invite you guys over. This time, well, I'm kind of on my own,"

Well, I was gonna offer to help, but if that's how you feel then forget it.

"And how I wish she had not organised this for Sunday. I do believe that an exhausted Miss Suzumiya may well equal a depressed, disgruntled, irritable Miss Suzumiya, especially considering we will be in a school environment. So many problems could arise from this, and I know that my superiors will severely scold me if I get it wrong. As far as their concerned, this is more of a test of my abilities than a party amongst friends. If I fail, I will be punished."

I wonder what he means by 'punished'. How far does punishing go; a quick telling off and a 'you tried' award or being burned at the stakes? Okay, maybe those are two unlikely extremes, but once again, this stupid Organisation has left me in the dark. If these people had the audacity to stage a murder, make everyone scared for their lives, and then pass it off as a 'joke', who knew what kind of malevolent syndicate they were?

"Kyon!"

I turned around and Haruhi was standing at the door, clad in a pair of denim shorts (ones that were so short they could pass for denim underwear) and a fluorescent orange tank top. Too much skin, Haruhi! You are exposing far too much skin, especially since you are around two impressionable young men. How inappropriate!

"Haruhi," I spoke blankly, raising one palm to greet her.

"Be quiet, you! As you are, not only the last to arrive but also genuinely late for this S.O.S Brigade event, you will be punished accordingly," she barked, prodding her long, slim index finger in the area around my face, dangerously close to my eyes. Seriously, was she trying to have them out? Was that my punishment? To be honest, I think I preferred having to pay for food occasionally...

"Oh. Have you all been waiting for me?"

"No, idiot. We were getting on fine without you, but for a true S.O.S Brigade event to take place, we need the entire Brigade, so without you we couldn't begin our activities! Now I'm totally bummed out!"

I could feel Koizumi's deeply concerned aura worsening. Oh relax, she's only bummed out!

"So you were waiting for me,"

"No! Shut up! You should suffer even more because you're trying to be Mister Comedy in front of your commander!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever, I brought some films," I stated while reaching into my bag for my slasher movies. Upon bringing them up to Haruhi, she looked rather interested.

"Aha..." she began shuffling through each one "Dawn of the Dead...28 Days Later...Friday the 13th...yuck, gruesome! I like it! Well, at least you didn't totally fail. These should keep things interesting,"

"By interesting you mean scaring Miss Asahina and keeping everyone awake all night with crippling nightmares?" I asked sceptically.

She just looked at me, the innocence on her face clearly a facade "Don't blame me, you brought the damn things!"

So the party was underway. As soon as Haruhi dragged me into the next room (another totally normal room may I add) we began our activities. And, oh boy, were there activities. I cannot think of a sleepover activity that we didn't do. It turns out that everybody brought something fun, even Nagato. It also turns out that Koizumi's parent were away on business, so we had the entire house to ourselves; in other words, there were no boundaries as to how loud we could be (if you ignored the neighbours)

4:30 pm: The evening kicked off with a few rounds of karaoke, courtesy of the lovely Miss Asahina Mikuru. We all got about two or three songs each and maybe one duet until Haruhi got bored. It came as no surprise to me that a) Nagato could only sing in a monotone, b) both Koizumi and Haruhi sung like teen pop stars, and c) that I was mercilessly laughed at as soon as I opened my mouth.

5:35 pm: A romantic comedy chick flick, also courtesy of Miss Asahina, who claimed that it was one of her favourite films. While Haruhi snorted at the, apparently pathetic, weedy and boring male lead in disgust, claiming that she was too good for any human male, I sat back and relaxed, hugging the popcorn bowl close to my chest. Haruhi, believe me, you would be lucky to even land a pathetic, weedy, boring man like that with your attitude. It may be news to you, but most men don't enjoy being insulted just because they're not aliens.

7:15 pm: We all headed outside for dinner, laying a quaint little picnic blanket out onto Koizumi's small lawn. Well, it wasn't really a lawn, but it was good enough for Haruhi. We dined on chocolate fingers and crisps, a true party dinner. Then, to all of our delight, Haruhi proposed a game of kick the can, which was originally supposed to be light hearted and playful but ended up being highly competitive and almost violent. Of course, this boisterousness came from none other than...you guessed it.

9:55 pm: We migrated back into the house as it began to get dark. Not that Haruhi minded, in fact she wanted to play man-hunt and murder-in-the-dark outside, but after reading the desperate signals from Miss Asahina, I strongly urged her indoors. Instead, the girls decided to give each other makeovers using Haruhi's makeup bag. Haruhi painted Nagato's face with so much mascara that her already huge eyes looked as if they would engulf the whole world with their enormity. I have to say though, I had no idea Haruhi was such a natural. After she was finished with Nagato and Miss Asahina, they looked like Hollywood prima donnas.

10:45 pm: It was the girl's turn to give us makeovers. In other words, Koizumi and I were forced to sit still while Haruhi and Miss Asahina made us over in the most embarrassing and extravagant way possible. I think it's fair to say that I didn't go down without a fight; in the end, Haruhi had to get Nagato to hold me down with her iron grip so I couldn't fidget. The worst part was that Miss Asahina didn't make _me_ over, but made Koizumi over instead. To narrow it down, I was irritated, jealous, and covered in girl's makeup that I wasn't allowed to remove until the next morning.

11:30 pm: We sat down and watched one of my slasher flicks. The room was immersed in squeals from our resident time traveller, gasps of 'oh my,' from our resident esper, screams of 'HOLY SHIT' and 'IT'S COMING DOWN THE FUCKING STARIS' from me and Haruhi, and absolute silence from Nagato.

12:58 am: We played cluedo, courtesy of Nagato. The horror movie atmosphere was still hanging in the air and, as a result, the game was so tense I felt as if I would suffocate. Fortunately, it didn't last very long; with the sharp, bright minds of Nagato, Koizumi and Haruhi all facing off at the same time, me and Miss Asahina just sat and watched as trio tiredly brawled with their impressive intellect. It was very confusing and I zoned out about half way through. By the time I started concentrating again, Haruhi had, of course, emerged victorious.

One would think that we couldn't do anymore, especially considering we had school tomorrow and we all needed sleep. However, Haruhi had other ideas. Even though we had probably done every sleepover activity existent on this planet, once I boldly declared that it was bed time, Haruhi came out with none other than

"Really? Now? Is that it?"

...You gotta be kidding me!

"I'm just saying thank you for telling her the way you did. I mean, of course, for not losing your cool or anything"

"Don't mention it. I just can't believe she wanted _more!" _

Koizumi and I were in his bathroom in front of the mirror scrubbing layers upon layers of makeup off our faces.

"Well," he spoke airily, ferociously rubbing at his heavy, mascara-weighted eyelashes with a face wipe "I think we know by now that Miss Suzumiya isn't exactly orthodox in her preferences or desires or, well, anything for that matter,"

"But do you think anything, you know, bad could happen because of this?"

He looked round at me, confused "What do you mean?"

When I spoke again, it was in a very slow, obvious tone.

"What do you mean 'what do you mean'? You know what I mean. Do you think we'll have a joyous repeat of last summer? Do you think Haruhi is disappointed enough to create closed space,"

To my chagrin, Koizumi just burst out laughing, his perfect, charming chuckle stabbing into my ears. Okay, you're the one who nervously predicted that outcome in the first place, buddy, so don't laugh at me!

"Oh, I apologise," he smiled through his smudged lip stick (how did he still look so handsome even when looking like a cross dresser?) "It seems that I have put ideas into your head,"

Stop patronising me, asshole!

"Forgive me, but earlier I was merely musing to myself the worst possible outcome. As I said, I was not quite myself. And yes, while there was a slight possibility of time loops or closed spaces, I'm glad to say that nothing like that will be happening today," at this point, he narrowed his eyes and they darted towards me "But, shall I tell you what I think, Kyon?"

"Sure, shoot," I said casually.

At this point, he swooped in on me, his perfectly chiselled face suddenly close to mine. I stumbled backwards but was stopped by the shower cubicle. Way too close, way too close, please take three steps backwards before I throttle you, which I might do anyway because you're being a jackass. When he started speaking, his words were quiet, yet icy, and in rapid succession as if he was vocalising an explosion of knowledge. A sneaky smile still played at his lips.

"You know what I think? What I can read from this situation, Kyon? Miss Suzumiya's melancholy is not that of anger or desire to recreate the universe, certainly not. If that was the case, I would've been summoned to assist the Organization by now. However it seems that Miss Suzumiya is anxious that her evening has ended. The fact that this wonderful night that she relied on to reunite the Brigade and create fond, precious memories with is now all over brings her sadness, but not so much so that she wants it to happen again. She's too tired to want more, but it upset that it's all over so quickly. Does that make any sense to you? The conditions of her mood are simply not right for closed space or time loops to occur,"

Then, with one last slight advance towards me, Koizumi whispered "Emotions are a very complicated thing, Kyon. Complicated yet fascinating,"

I tried to shuffle backwards slowly as the eccentric young man's smooth voice ghosted over my skin, but, again, the shower was blocking my escape. Before I knew it, I began feeling uneasy at the sight of Koizumi standing so close. I felt trapped, afraid, not to mention that the esper's eyes didn't look right at all. Sure, they were coffee brown like always, and they hadn't changed shape or anything, but they were shining with...something. Passion? Malice? Either way, it was an emotion I had certainly never seen in the usually calm, composed prince charming, and I was feeling rather uncomfortable. I had to gather my bearings and take a deep breath before taking my hand, clamping it over Koizumi's shoulder-collar bone area and shoving him as hard as I could. I caught one last glimpse of his unsettling face before the esper boy staggered backwards in a daze, having to catch himself on the pristine white sink to keep his balance. Guess I shoved him pretty hard. Good for me.

"Ah, I apologise," he spoke coolly, his usual smile having returned. "I often get carried away when talking about Miss Suzumiya in such detail. I find the topic truly fascinating. I hope I didn't make you feel uncomfortable,"

"Don't...don't do that!" I hissed, trying not to sound as annoyed as I really was. If you don't want me feeling uncomfortable, don't go pulling stuff like that!

"I apologize," he said again, looking truly sorry. Without another word, we both turned back the mirror. There was a thick, gooey silence while I calmed my seething annoyance.

"Hey, Koizumi," I broke through the silence.

"Yes?"

"What are your parents like?" when Koizumi looked confused and hesitant, I elaborated on my theory more "I mean how do they deal with this esper crap? Do they even know?"

I wasn't usually one to ask personal questions like that, however, if one could read my thoughts one could see that Koizumi's personal life had been bugging me for a while now. Plus I needed to break the ice formed by Koizumi's strange, awkward advances.

To my surprise he looked slightly uncomfortable, pressing his lips together and running a hand through his hair. Of course, his smile remained a constant.

"My parents..." he trailed off

"What is it?" I spoke, noticing how Koizumi looked only slightly conflicted.

He looked as if he was crafting what he'd say next, or rather, even, trying to remember scripted lines. His eyes were narrowed and his jaw locked into place. The dark smudges of mascara and eyeliner smeared over his eyes paired with the messy pale geisha-esque makeup made him look almost scary, but only in a low budget horror film way. I'd like to imagine a crossdressing Koizumi as the villain in one of those...

"Kyon, I, well-"

"What?"

But he didn't continue

To my surprise he merely chuckled and placed one hand on my shoulder, giving up on what he was about to tell me.

"Oh dear," he smiled.

"What is it?" I asked, irritated and slightly freaked out.

"Oh forgive me," he spoke, sounding amused "I just feel that there isn't any real need to keep lying to you again, now is there? I really am rather exhausted after all,"

I jerked away from his grip once more, confused at his words "What the hell are you talking about?"

He smiled slightly grimly "I'm afraid I've been lying to you Kyon,"

Oh trust me, buddy, as far as I'm concerned, everything you do is a lie.

"This is rather sudden,"

"I know, and I apologise, however I feel that I can trust you with this, I mean, as long as you don't tell anyone. Of course, by that I mean-"

"Haruhi,"

"Correct,"

I shrugged as if I didn't care. Of course I really did, but that would just feed his ego.

"So, come out with it then,"

He hesitated before speaking. Part of me wondered whether he was actually allowed to tell me stuff about his life. From what I knew about his organisation, they seemed like the confidential type; it always explained the way Koizumi was: funny, kind and sickeningly charming, however also secretive and slightly malicious-seeming. I bet that Koizumi had more secrets than Haruhi had past hairstyles, all because of that syndicate. The thought made me shudder.

"I told you and the others that my parents are away on business, and well, that's not entirely the case. I'm sorry, I just don't see the point in keeping up silly facades around you,"

"...Oh yeah?" I queried carefully "So what is the case then?"

"I haven't actually seen my parents in four years,"

A pregnant pause.

"A-are you serious?" I stammered, eyes gaping wide. I couldn't believe what I just heard, especially while looking at his casual expression.

"Of course. Would I not be?"

"I mean, I, well-"

"Of course, I'm not allowed to tell Miss Suzumiya that, but when she's not here, what's stopping me? I am telling the absolute truth, why would I lie?"

"I, but, I-"

"Why are you so shocked? It's not a big deal, just a little white lie,"

Can I just get a word in, please?! And that is not just a little white lie, that is on colossal black lie you have on your hands there!

"**I'm**..." I started purposely too loud to get him to shut up "...just a little bit surprised is all."

"Why?"

I tried to keep my voice calm and collected, despite this bombshell being dropped on me so suddenly.

"Well I've known you for what? Nearly a year, and now you suddenly reveal that you haven't seen your parents in four years,"

To my surprise, he just chuckled grimly. His smile was sickly sweet, like runny caramel. I didn't like it.

"Kyon, you should know by now not to believe anything I say,"

Without another word he turned back to the mirror, leaving me startled and dreadfully confused beside him. All I could do was stare. Putting the feeling of shock and surprise aside, all I could think was how different Koizumi acted when he wasn't around Haruhi. Sure, he was still cheerful and jovial and charming, but it felt strange and foreign to me.

"Anyway, as I was saying, no, I have not seen them in at least four years."

"H-how? What the hell happened?! Why are you telling me this, I'm so confused!"

I expected him to laugh but he didn't. He did, however, invade my precious personal space once more

"I feel like breaking a few rules today," he whispered slyly, his voice ghosting over my moist skin.

I waited for him to draw back again, not bothering to scold him for coming too close, before actually thinking about what he'd said.

"Hey wait a minute, what rules?"

"What happened you ask?" he inquired gracefully, totally ignoring my relevant question. Dammit Koizumi, stop screwing with me. My brain can't take this.

"Well, when I finally decided to tell my parents about my 'abilities', about a week, I think, after actually getting, them I sat them down and did the whole 'we need to have a serious chat' kinda thing. At first they thought I was coming out of the closet," at this point Koizumi shrugged, half smiling at me. I almost snickered. Almost "But then when I said 'I'm an esper' and started explaining to them about what had happened to me, I could see their faces slowly turn sour. I guess I should've seen it coming,"

Yeah, you seriously should have.

"Of course they thought I was joking or playing a prank, but I insisted I was serious. I remember they thought I had been reading too much sci fi, or that I had been studying too late into the night, they used every possible excuse in the book for my confession but I kept insisting it was the truth. They sent me to bed early that night and told me not to talk such rubbish again,"

As I looked into his eyes, I could tell he was recounting every single second of the experience in his mind. His voice was becoming bitterer with each passing word.

"Over the next few days, I tried to slip it into conversation – I felt that I needed them to believe me and to know what may or may not happen to me, but they never listened and when they did they just scolded me and told me to stop being so nonsensical. They got angrier every time I mentioned it. Then one night I was summoned by the Organisation for a battle against the Shinjin. I told my parents that my friend had asked me over for the evening, and they believed me, thank goodness. The beast was a really big, fierce one and I think it was my..._third time...? _Anyway, doesn't matter, point is I was rather badly scraped from the creature, so by the time I got back to my house, having been rushed back to headquarters and bandaged up, it was about three in the morning. I opened the door and my mom and dad were standing there, worried sick, waiting for me,"

Koizumi hesitated and pressed a hand to his head. I wasn't quite sure why. He'd done pretty well not to let his cool, calm composure slip, but I knew him better than that. Perhaps the bad memories were really affecting him. Something told me he was telling a family-friendly, watered down version of what really happened.

"Then there was this huge fight in which they yelled at me for getting home so late and for being injured all over and I didn't know what to say so after a good deal of...unpleasant happenings, I finally shouted 'It's because I'm an esper and I have to defeat these materialisations of some teenage girl's imagination! I told you before, it's the truth'"

His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. "Just...long story short, that same night, after being told that I'd be taken to some hospital to check on my mental wellbeing, I realised that I couldn't take seeing my parents this way, knowing that they thought I was crazy or messed up. I had always been the perfect kid, you know, so how did I expect them to react? Anyway, I decided to run away. I contacted the Organisation, left a note for my parents, packed a bag and that was that. I never saw them again,"

All I could do was stand there, shocked and confused, staring at the stranger before me. He didn't seem like the person I knew; it felt like I was talking to some kind of ghost. I tried searching for the happy, cheery everyday man Koizumi I knew before, the Koizumi that was so perfect and friendly and just...existing. The Koizumi that I constantly found myself annoyed with for no real reason. Haruhi's second in command, the final member of the S.O.S Brigade, friendly neighbourhood esper boy who disappeared off every now and then to stop the world ending. That guy.

But even when I looked really hard, and even though he looked the same as ever, smiling as always, I couldn't make him out. Now all I could see was the poor little thirteen year old boy who became an esper one day suddenly and lost his family.

"That's basically it, I think, in answer to your question,"

"But wait, where did they think the wounds came from?"

He stroked his chin carefully, squinting his eyes "You know I honestly don't remember at all, but I remember there being some outrageous guesses. You know how overprotective parents can be,"

"Yeah, 'course," I spoke, trailing off, too distracted by the thoughts whirring around in my head.

"So, that's that. It kinda feels good to tell someone, you know. Especially you, Kyon,"

"Why me?"

"Shall we head to my room? I think we're about done in here," he stated, not answering my question yet again.

Indeed we were. Both our faces were clear of makeup, and I could finally see Koizumi's sunkissed skin again, looking smooth under the bathroom light. It just reminded me of how much he was hiding, how his perfect exterior acted as a curtain, shadowing his true self in fog. Man, I really wished I wouldn't feel this weird around him for long, it was hurting my brain.

Koizumi started out of the bathroom and I followed.

"So this house is all yours then? You live completely alone?"

"Yes. Well, actually it's technically the Organisation's house, they actually own it. Because I was chosen to befriend and get close to Miss Suzumiya, they got me this place in order to make me seem as totally normal as possible. They handle all the bills and the legal stuff as long as I keep making progress and reporting back to them about Miss Suzumiya."

"But surely a 'normal' teen living on his own would have a flat, not a big two-kid family deal like this,"

He stopped and wagged his finger in front of my nose "Aha, but I don't live alone, I have parents living here too. That's specifically listed in official records, despite the fact it's not true. If the Organisation want people to believe something, it'll get done. You know there are actually actors playing my parents,"

"You serious?" I really couldn't tell anymore.

"Yes, certainly. If need be my 'parents' play their part, but today we thought Miss Suzumiya would have a better time if they weren't here so I said they were way on business. If you had come another time you would have seen them, but the Organisation never counted on that happening,"

"What do you mean?" I'm so lost.

"I mean my role is that of a rather handsome rather jolly young man who remains in the background and looks polite. I was given strict instructions not to step out of my boundaries – my job isn't to invite you all round for parties and sleepovers as I am not the alpha dog in the pack. However, this time was a one off, we drew straws and I was picked at random. You'd be surprised how absolute and intricate the character outlines for me and the two girls are,"

"But...why?"

He smirked, eyes darkening.

"Because it is the will of Miss Suzumiya,"

Oh sweet Jesus not again.

"What I am going to say now I am going to say only once because I think it's pretty easy to remember; everything, and I mean _everything _that exists in our little circle of friends is down to the whims and preferences of Miss Suzumiya, from the way the clubroom looked when you first claimed ownership of it to the products Miss Asahina uses on her hair. Me, Miss Nagato, Miss Asahina, we are nothing but puppets on strings. Everything we do is down to her. It's rather simple really,"

No. No it's not.

"So, what you're basically saying is that everything you are is a lie," I said, purposely trying to sound a little sinister.

He scratched his head in hesitation "Well...I wouldn't go quite that far but-"

"That's what you just said."

He couldn't use long sentences and hand gestures to fool me. Not anymore.

He paused for a second, placing a hand on his chin thoughtfully, smiling knowingly "...You're right, Kyon, you're absolutely right. However, you cannot forget that I am not the only one. This is a team effort, as in Miss Asahina and Miss Nagato are just as guilty as I,"

"I don't feel it from them as much as I do from you,"

"Oh is that right?"

**TBC...maybe**

**Kay I'm rlly sorry this was meant to be a great big long fic with a huge story and that but when I started this (a while ago) I was a mega fan of HS and I also had more time and now I have no time and I'm not even a fan so this was just sitting in my folder untouched and I really wanted it to not be wasted coz I worked so hard so I cut some off and ended it there and I might continue coz it's a rlly cool story but I probs won't coz I'm so busy right now so I'm sorry it was meant to be longer but it'll have to end for now I may pick it up tho I hope you like it even though it's just random and not even oneshotty **** soz**


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